depriem
Wednesday, 19 October 2016
I feel like blogging today, so hi and assalamualaikum.
You know, SPM is nearing and yet I'm still here. Doing nothing with life. I've lost my motivation to study. Not only study, but also living. I'm tired of living. Even breathing is like working out for me. I'm tired. I want to sleep. I want to run away and hide from my problems. I'm a coward, yes I know.
God, I sound so depressing.
-
Depression
is a mental illness. (yup everyone knows that, syu)
Depression... is not something you should be proud of. It is something that could destroy you
slowly. It will affect you in many aspects in life.
I wish I
have the power to turn back the time because if I can turn back time, I will
make sure that I’m perfectly fine; mentally and physically fine. I will not
doubt myself.
I wish I
can live my life like others who are perfectly fine and normal. I wish I can
talk about myself proudly. I wish I can be the center of attention without
feeling embarrassed about myself. I wish I would stop doubting myself, so that
my self-esteem won’t be that low.
-
Nowadays, I
tend to distanced myself from others. Thinking that I would only be a nuisance
and just bother them more. Because of that thought, I’m distancing myself from
my friends, I used to call them my best friends, but now I don’t know anymore.
They seems to hate me now.
They think
I’m a bitch… they don’t know that I’m having a fight with the demon inside me.
I would never leave them. They don’t know the fact that I’m a depressed kid. I
don’t have the courage to tell them. They would say that I’m just giving them
an excuse to get away from my problem.
I once
tried to talk about my depression with my sister. Thinking that she might help me or maybe support me. Guess what? She didn’t help
me, if anything she makes fun of me. She thinks I’m a freak. I guess I am. That
is the reason why I didn’t tell my friends.
They would make fun of me too, so I rather stay silent.