Hi, it’s been a while since I last updated my blog isn’t?

I’ve finished high school, and I’ve received my SPM results too. My result is not that pretty, nothing to be proud of. But I think I did okay? You know, considering my attendance is quite disappointing yet I still managed to get good results. I’m not that good at English, Science, Mathematics and Account. But I surprised myself by getting a satisfying results. I wanna pat my head, and say “good job, you did great” since others don’t do that to me. I have zero expectation about my results. Because I know my limit. I know I can’t do that, yet I surprised and proved myself wrong.

I already finished my high school.

But I still couldn’t decide what to do. I’m scared of what’s coming for me in the future. While my friends already decide to sign up for college that they want to go to, I’m sitting here and still wondering what I should do.

You see, I didn’t come from a well-off family. My family is not that rich, but we’re also not that poor. But there are times that we are struggling with money and problems.

People say money cannot buy happiness. But I beg to differ because money plays a big role in my family. In some families, money brought distance between them. But in some families, money can bring them happiness.

Even though my family is not that rich and sometimes we’re struggling with money. We are thankful to Allah because of Him, we still manage to feed ourselves.

People say I should be brave. I also want to be brave but I don’t know how. I don’t know how to be brave when I keep getting anxious about meeting new faces. I keep thinking about what they will say about me this time. Is it good? Or is it bad? Am I getting bully again?

People say I should find courage and be confident. I don’t know how to be confident when everyday people keep telling negative things about me. Sometimes it’s about my face, or maybe my body. Sometimes it also can be about nothing. They tell me stuffs so that they can feel better about themselves. I know, I know about that. I’m not stupid yet I still can’t stop thinking about what they told me.

There’s a voice in my head that keep telling me that they are right. Sometimes that voice is nice but there are times where that voice can be pretty rude. What things does the voice says when she’s being nice? Well sometimes she said stuffs like worthless, useless, ugly, fat and etc. Aren’t she’s nice? But I really hate her when she is being rude though. She often asks me to kill myself. Rude right? I know, I know. You don’t have to feel bad about it. I already got used to it. 

I guess I have nothing else to say. Goodbye.