Hi and assalamualaikum.

how are you? are you feeling fine today? it’s already 3 in the morning now, why aren’t you sleep yet? 

what are you thinking of? is it the past or the future? please tell me it’s neither both. because what i want from you is for you to focus on the present. 

the past? it has already happened and what happened from it should turn into a lesson for you to learn from. you shouldn’t dwell on it for too long. it happened for a reason. mistakes happened because we are a normal human being. we are supposed to make mistakes so that we can learn from it. it’s normal, hun. don’t overthink about it. 

the future? it’s not here yet… why are you trying to rush everything? what are you preparing for? why are you practicing lines that you don’t even know if you’re gonna use it or not? what are you waiting for? or are you afraid of what’s coming? is that why you’re preparing for it? hun calm down, take five and please breath. 

i know you’re anxious of the future, we all are honestly. but don’t forget to focus on the present. pay attention to your surroundings, you’re going to miss all of this. take the positive, also the negative ones. remember we can learn from it right? we learnt the lesson from the mistakes that we made from the past and try not to repeat it again in the future. 

i know you’re afraid.

i know you’re tired. 

i know you just want a break. 

i know you want some assurance that everything is going to be okay and i’m sorry that there’s nobody there to remind you that. but you have yourself right? 

it’s just an advice from me to you, don’t seek love and attention from others. they are trying to love themselves too so let’s not bother them. love yourself first. love yourself to the point that you want to share the love that you have in you to someone else. also, love others when you are ready for commitments. because let me tell you, love requires so much commitment from you. love, attention, money, time and etc. yeah etc has to be included because it is that many. don’t try to be in a relationship if you are not ready, don’t break someone’s heart. don’t make them love you to the point that they’re obsessed about you and leave them. don’t do that honey. i know the obsession scares you, i know because it did to me too. 

it scares me so much to the point that i don’t wanna love someone anymore. just by the thought of someone is loving me more than anything to the point that they are willing to do anything gives me nightmare. i know someone else will like it but the fact that someone is willing to do anything, like anything just to have me is weird for me. i never received that much love and attention so i’m scared of it. seriously just by thinking of it makes my chest hurt and it left me breathless. actually i think i’m just not good enough to receive that much love. so i decided to end it. 

so how are you? are you feeling fine?